i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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