im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
