Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
