dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
