I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
