Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
