I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You're like the curious george of whores
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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