Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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