if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
