did you get engaged???
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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