I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize