Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
