How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
