I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize