I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
