A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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