He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
