i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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