Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
