My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
