I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
