Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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