hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
