Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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