The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
