Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
