she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
