You just made me feel so damn special
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
