are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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