oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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