Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
