yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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