Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
