Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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