the ceiling is raining jello shotss
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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