I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
