I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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