he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
