so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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