you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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