he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
