I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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