I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
