apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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