its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
