We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize