The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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