I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
