Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
