Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
