I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
