you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
