they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
