you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
