a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
