So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
