so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize