Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
