Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
