Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
