Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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