I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
