I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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