I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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