So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
