She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
