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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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