Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
