i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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